So how goes the life my fellow readers? Boring? Yeah.

What do I have for updates for my readers? Nothing much. I don't rembember if I wrote a blog about the fall semester of 2009. I'm not enjoying my classes. I only like my History 1 class. The other classes are a pain in the ass!!! I hate my Humanities class and my English 3 class because they have the same professor! I was ready to run out of that room when she came in for my Englis class!!! She doesn't even speak English! That is what truly infuriated me. I'm so tired of that woman. She is so rude! My Linguistics class is an unexpected pain in the ass!!! I thought I would like it but it's hard for me! I don't even know why. I don't really mind my Biology class. The professor is adorable and very cool. He seems like a kind, smart, and respectable man.

I have a new dilemna with school now. I want to transfer but I need a major! Isn't that really shitty? I don't know what I want to do. I wish what I wanted to do would just fall from the sky or hit me like lightning and I'd be done with it!!!!!

Some other interesting developments would probably be the Jay story which is still not done. All I can say is, "My poor Jay!" I think I've really come to like Jay a lot. He's really quite adorable when he's just his normal, dorky, airheaded self which you will see a lot in variety shows.

I know that people want Jay BACK RIGHT THIS SECOND but i think he needs a rest. I don't think that he will be able to get that rest unless fans are laid to rest. I think it'd be okay if 2PM continued with 6 members but there needs to be some real words that say Jay will be back with 2PM after some much needed rest. Like perhaps for this next album instead of it being an album why not make it a special single with a different group name and build off that? It'd be like Super Junior and all their sub groups. I want him to stay home for a bit but I hope that he goes back someday when everybody has calmed down.

That means JYP needs to speak up via some other source, non Twitter. I hate JYP using Twitter. I have always hated old people trying to act young and relate to the youngsters by getting up in their faces with their twitters and myspaces.

*back to update

i didn't like him so much when he was part of the group but now that he's left he has undeniably left a void. i think i've grown to like him so much in these past few days because i see so much of myself in him, like we are so similar. we don't speak our language very well and we don't know the traditions/customs and now most of all we're somewhat lost. they'll never understand because they can't put themselves into our shoes. "our shoes," that's because there are so many americans who can't do those things also. in america it is not uncommon for younger people to not know the language their parents and grandparents spoke. growing up in america is so different from growing up in other places, like korea. we don't exactly have the same social behaviorial system nor the same values. so i am just baffled at how narrow minded these people are.

sure what he said was bad but hey, IT WAS FOUR YEARS AGO!!!! get. over. it. jay was a young american kid who had only known american life so having to go to korea alone with no one to guide him on how to behave or speak of course it's expected that he would feel frustrated and angry.

if jay had not trained for four years in korea then i would say america is what is best for him. he has friends, family, and most importantly freedom of speech that is not under the eye of moronic netizens. but that's not what happened. jay spent four years of his life to train and if all goes to waste i don't know what i would do. maybe it's just me that has this time obsession but those four years could have been invested in other things, like school. i'm usually "pro-school/pro-education" so when i find myself telling jay to continue in entertainment, i don't knwo what to say except that he has invested precious years of his life just to throw it all away. it's a waste. it's a waste of time, blood, sweat, and tears. when you work so hard and then must throw it all away, it's a damn shame.

i was reading jay's entries idk where but it was so funny! jay. you're such an......american! lol. the way he always give his shouts out to all his homies!!! i found myself lmao-ing the entire time. by the end i had wanted to ask jay "whuut up dawg? wuut it do?" lol.....*sighs*...jay.

hope to see you soon babe~~~
<333

update on kpop news. tvxq is fighting. i missed a lot while i was crazy. i was quite shocked that they are involved in a feud with sm. they always say everything is cool and okay but it's not. i hope this isn't the end for them cuz their career in japan was barely taking off!!! so it'd be a shame if they couldn't make it through this rough patch. but i guess i'd have to agree with that they aren't getting paid enough...but it makes me wonder why...only three members filed lawsuits against sm? does that mean that the other two had a higher pay? one of the three who filed was junsu...omg. if you don't pay junsu more than the other three than that is unfair. junsu is a really talented artist and performer. so...idk what to say about them...i just hope that sm will give them more money cuz they do work very hard.

SHINee. good bye my romeos~~~~
they're gonna debut in japan. i hope they do well. i think cuz they are younger they can definitely pick up where *it seems that* thsk left off. i think they will do well cuz they're younger and more flashy. like look at johnnys if that isnt' flashy then what is? plus i'd love to see them with hey say jump or even slutty ass kattun...dang i miss those slutty boys...but i think they can do it. pshhhh...big bang is a joke. honestly...i don't like that they are in japan. idk...y but it just bothers me.
you know what? i think onew should release a trot album. like i've said i think that he has more confidence when he sings trot. i think with shinee's songs they cater to jonghyunnie who is the designated lead singer so dubu backs off and feels that they don't think he sings as well and therefore affects his performance. trot on the other hand is totally his own. he sings it really well and full of confidence maybe cuz he know that he doesn't have to compete with jonghyunnie? idk...but i think dubu needs something to boost his confidence. he seems very humble, kind, and always lets his juniors have dibs...so i say dubu be selfish and do as you please~ sing your heart out no matter what song because you sound best when you are full of confidence~

i wanna see them~~~~
my dubu...
him...
<3

i had a tough summer school session. and it pisses me off. but oh well it's over now. but it makes me SUPER paranoid for the fall semester. i had a bad science teacher for phys.11 so i'm pretty much scarred and scared that i will get a stupid prof like her. shit...i'm scared shitless. omg...i had never been this upset and stressed out before. i was sooooooo depressed. like seriously...i cried a few times...i tried not to cuz i know my family will just think i'm an idiot but i couldn't help myself...after crying i felt a lot better. yeah...i was pretty out of my mind batshit crazy. i have never EVER felt that way before so i don't really know how to handle it. i knew it was okay if i failed the class...i kept telling myself over and over and over and over and over but i'm a retard. i am slow apparently and i have this heavy conscience that weighs in on me if i don't try to prevent from failing so i broke my ass trying to pass that damn class and scared me shitless for the new semester. not to mention it stressed the shit out of me that i actually missed my period. fuck...i'm messed up. and it looks like i can't shake off the anxiety that that stupid class left me. i only have one week left of summer break. i need to recover before i go back for the fall or else i might crack under the fall pressure.

i thought a lot while i was crazy. about alternatives and what are the things i'm good at. science is definitely not one of them. i'm pretty shitty when it comes to science. i hate it. i even thought about shinee. how they are living at this present moment in time...how they are not studying for a shitty class like mine. how they don't have to deal with pressure like from a stupid rude bitchy prof. how they have it easy. how easy it would be if i was a talented person. lol. shit. yeah. i know. i was crazy, leave me alone bitches.

well i'm trying to recover and shake that anxiety off cuz it makes me tired. but now i've got some other crap to worry about. it's my damn teeth. i'm gonna get braces but i have to see a dentist first. fuck. western dental, that place should burn. them and all their damn fucking patients. i hate that damned place. who the fuck wants to sit for two/three fucking hours waiting for the fucking dentist. they see you after two hours and then they call you for like 1 hour or some shit to take your fucking xrays then they send your fucking ass out to wait in the fucking waiting room for another fucking two hours. WHAT THE FUCK? that is some serious crack smoking...i have never waited longer than fifteen minutes for a fucking xray at the dentist. those bastards should burn.

i haven't blogged for a while so let me bitch to my heart's content~

i hated my eng.1a class. i can not believe that i got lower grades than those idiots. i am not as opinionated as them so i didn't get an A. that is shit. i read their raw material and it was shit. i feel like a bitch saying that but fuck...what the fuck does that make me if i can write a complete sentence without any grammatical errors and spelling mistakes when they can't? that is bull.

well...i think i'm just about done ranting and bitching...i think i feel better already~

cuz i don't want to talk about dubu in such a bitch evil blog i will end this one here!
XP

i'm going to be a bitch from now on.

yup yup. i'm tired of this shit so i'm gonna be a bitch and not give a fuck anymore.


*edit
sorry about that. that was incorrect. i am NOT going to be a bitch...it is not quite in my nature to be so bitchy. but i will most definitely not give a fuck anymore. i'm liberating myself once again. i don't know when it was that i began to feel the shackles on me but they are present and i will liberate myself.






<333

dubu love~~~~~

i'm on summer break and i am relaxing. lol...there isn't a word to describe it!!! that's why i said "relaxing." because it is not fun and i don't want to say it's boring cuz i don't want to sound ungrateful for this break. but idk i just feel shitty. like seriously. i only have one good week in an enitre month and that is what makes it truly shitty to be a girl. TT_TT not like i want to be a man but gosh...it sucks to be a girl three weeks in a month.

i wanna go back to skool???

anyways I AM BORED!!!! what am i to do??? okay...goals for the summer:
1. make friends
2. find and obtain a job
3. be healthy
4. find bf/gf for sis and bro
5. get license
6. be healthy

oh...side note. i went to asian prom. very...uhhhh...interesting. lolz. two guys asked me to dance. one a slow song another a faster song. and according to my bro's gf a few guys were checking me out. uhh...like...i think they were fascinated by my sheer size. i'm big for a humohng girl. lol. and we were saying that we would prefer to meet guys elsewhere like at science fairs and stuff not at a party or at the club. it's pretty ghetto. gosh there were so many dirty asians...guys and girls...but mostly girls...cuz they took off their shoes...yuck. i do not care how much my shoes are killing me. i would rather die in my shoes than take them off and let my bare feet touch that floor. it's nasty.

went to water fest 09. it was hot. and gay. nothing to do. it was hot. no hot guys...only the literally hot ones. i went with my best gay friend youa and her gay sis and her gay bf gaylord. lol...sorry!!! but shit we went early and then left after like an hour. there was nothing to do and nowhere to sit. we walked all over the place and there was nothing. i think we left at noon or a bit before that cuz it was boring. i didn't know that we were gonna hang out with youa's family. her bro wanted to go to the movies but youa's sisters wanted to go to the mall. but i didn't want to go to the mall cuz i've been there already. but there was nothing good playing at the movies so we went to the mall. and we were at the mall for like maybe 20 minutes and then left to eat korean bbq at samos but then youa's bro called and told us to go to the movies when we were already in the the restaurant!!! he made us go to the movies and we had to leave the restaurant even though we had already sat down. gay. we saw nite at the museum two. and it was gay. it wasn't very good. afterwards we had pho at paradise. i had...the bbq pork with a fried egg. i was really hungry by that time. so we went everywhere that day...water fest...movies...mall...samos...movies...and pho at paradise. yup. it was a gay day.

what do normal people do??? i would like to know!!! there isn't anything here to do so what to normal people do when they hang out with their friends?

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!

So fangirling has finally come in handy~! kekekekekekekekeke. My fellow fangirls taught me to be vicious! And this is where it gets me! I love you all and thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart. Want to know why all this mushy talk? I GOT LLOYD'S HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We've been talking about going to this show for weeks now and we finally got the tickets yesterday. My sister-in-law got us the tickets. They were good seats. Very good. Close enough to lick the (w)rapper!!!! It just sucks that we didn't have a camera to take nice pics. We only had our cameras on our phones.

Lloyd, Colby O'Donis, and the Dream came to the Fresno Fair. It was AWESOME!!!! Colby did a good job and Llyod was PURE AWESOME! (The Dream? nyah...)

My point? Llyod threw his hat out to the audience and it landed on my sister's hand. Some black chick was trying to make grabs for it. I don't even know who's hands what hands or whatever creatures that may have been trying to make grabs for it, all I knew was that it was headed in my direction and if I extended my hand I would at least be able to touch it. Surprisingly, I was able to put my hands on it and pulled it from the "mass of hands." OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG...was all I could say afterwards. All the African Americans were staring at me the entire time after this incident. There was this one man who kept turning around to look at me and he'd laugh as if I was the funniest thing ever. I guess it must be weird. Three little asian girls dressed "conservatively" fighting with others for Lloyd's hat. It must have been pretty funny to others. And I'm sure that black chick was pissed but who cares. I GOT LLOYD'S HAT!!!!!!!!
<3

so I have come to the conclusion that...I HAVE LICKED THE (W)RAPPER!

so thank you again my fellow fangirls! For teaching me to be vicious and act quickly!
I love you all/LLOYD!
kekekekekekekekkekekekekekekeke....

nyahahahahahaha...OMG...The 4th album show case is not too far from now! (of course I'm not going but those who are better bring back fancams~!) That includes the release of the album also!

As much as I love this new, more naked and healthier looking Yunho I believe he's exposing too much. I just feel that personally, he is degrading (is that the word I'm looking for?) himself. It's not like he has something to prove. I know most of you'll be like, "He does what he wants!" but I just feel that it's too...slutty?...Though believe me. He. Looks. Good. Very. Good. I don't like the "sexy" image they're trying out this album. We all know that it's not quite natural the way they're doing it. It's best if they just be themselves. (ugh...doesn't sound too good huh???)

But in the real world today I just scored a 59% on my first Stats Test! It's an F+!!!! I really like the plus part! I was disappointed (till I got home and saw the new 4th album pics...yum...) because I tried to study and I thought that I had done well but as you can see I failed my first Stats Test~! Of course I'll sign up for a re-test! This test is probably the most easy so I really shouldn't have even screwed up in the first place but whatever. I just hope that I will do well this time!

I don't hate my people I just hate the small population of them in my Asian American Studies class. Well in that class they are the majority and I don't enjoy them always studying me everytime I step in there. I don't get there late either! Even though my class is all the way across campus, I'm not late! It's those kids who get there much too early! Gosh. I hate it. It's boring. It's sooooo...ugh...horrifying. It smells like crap. And I sit in front of a piece of nasty~!

I guess I have something to look forward to. 4th ALBUM BABY~! I guess more naked pics??? kekekekekekeke....
<3

July 14, 2008
Exactly 10 days before my birthday.Today I went out on a group date/hangout thingy....honestly I don't know what to call it anymore. It was the most frustrating thing ever! Do you know how hard it is to mobilize 12 young people? It's hella hard!

( GAME PLAN )

well...they deliberated...and it's really over! i'm headed nowhere in life. i was born here and i will stay here the rest of my life. i will die a SPINSTER!!!!!!! okay that was really out of line...but i have to get over it!!!!....i really hate it here now...there's nothing interesting...i don't belong here but here i'm forced to stay.

i really am unlucky! why? why am i so unfortunate? and i will never grow up if i stay here. i am such a rotten person and i will continue to rot if i stay here. *sighs* i really am soooooooooo stupid, unlucky, and just really stupid.

then why do the stupid unlucky girls get hot awesome cool rich guys in the movies? they get to live happily ever after. look. i am NOT asking for a hot awesome rich guy JUST LET ME LEAVE!!!! that's my happily ever after.

what is so bad about being here? idk...there is so much more in the world and i'm forced to stay here. i want to see things i want to do things and i will not get any of that here. i really am sad. what is God trying to tell me by making me staying here? is it really not the path for me? am i meant to stay here? but what is there here for me? but then again what is there out there in the world for me?...i'm really sad. EVERYTHING SUCKS!...i can't get a job and i have no sense of direction anymore.

you know in school they always tell you to be yourself but why is it that when i am myself i can't do anything? i can't get a f***ing job by being myself! why do i have to f***ing lie about myself? i'm not a bad person but i am a rotten person and everyone is rotten. *sighs* being yourself doesn't get you anywhere kids. SO PLEASE BE AS FAKE AS POSSIBLE OR ELSE YOU WILL END UP LIKE ME!

so...i still hate everyone...you know i really thought it was goin to be okay...but no...it's not. i'm really disappointed in myself and i know not to expect much from the "world" anymore. naive. me. that's me. to ever have expected anything. i'm such a loser...really...*sighs*

LIFE SUCKS YOU GUYS!...EVERYTHING SUCKS!
notice my location..."fresno, ca"
always dreaming of other places but this is the one time that it's true. f-r-e-s-n-o...i...feel sooo...crushed...*wow when did i become such a drama queen?*

omg...i'm rambling...or more like bitching if I continue with what I want to say...so I won't say it.
but hey...I finished reading Twilight. I'm kinda disappointed...about the actors and actresses playing them. DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND HOW F***ING HOT EDWARD IS SOPPPOSED TO BE???? BECAUSE CLEARLY THEY DON'T!!! The actor playing him, he really isn't all that hot and BEAUTIFUL. *sighs poor Cedric...I know his average looks will soooooo grow on me and that pisses me off!!!*

But clearly I have been living too long in my Asian Idol World that my mind has totally turned anime/asian drama like. They do things that are too supernatural that it will seem that the actors will not be able to perform without making the audience elle-emme-ay-oh. *omg...did that make sense...O_o*

Anyways my mind has been setting this up korean drama style..."Omg Edward's stupid evil bitch fiancee is here to ruin shit." Oh yes. Bella is all right for korean dramas too!!! Cuz she gets hurt a lot. Perhaps she might even develop cancer! XD

OH! THE CLOTHES! I will definitely miss this part from the movie. Yes, they are not super fabulous but remember the Cullens are sopposed to be "well-dressed." I know they ain't gonna go all crazy with the layering, low cut v-neck shirts (for the men...there's always one in korean dramas.) and bright colors but *sighs* I'm not looking forward to the clothes...*I'm soooo stupid!*

I want to read the next part but my sis won't go buy it for me. No money. No car. No license. Shit life sucks!

*SIGHS...*
That was a loud sigh huh? I think so. Anyways it really sucks. I am surrounded by people that have no motivation. They want to live the rest of their lives in this run down little town. There are so many people who have so much potential, if they were not born in this town they may be able to do more with themselves. The people here aim so low, when they could be someone on top. These people are more intelligent than I am. They could do so much more with themselves. It makes me feel like a fool. I am the one leaving town when all the "smart" people are staying here.
I feel like a fool.
BUT! I should remember that no matter what I do I do what I want. I should not let others' feelings affect or sway me. If I listen to these people I will live a life of regret. Now is the time for change, so make it a big one! No matter what happens remember that you chose this way and you should be proud of it.
GANBATTE!!!
Life is about growing up and maturing. If I stay here I will never be able to stand on my own! It may not seem like it but I am spoiled by my parents. Compared to others, I never had to lift a finger in my life. My parents know it and I do too. This is much too childish ne? Oh well...
HWAITING!
<3

i haven't been using this is in a long time! nya!

anyways...i just would like to express my hate for korean fans. no...no...i'm not talking about fans in korea...just korean music fans in general. man are they frickin annoying or what? they seriously think that they are better than jpop/jpop fangirls. me, a fan with je/jpop roots i really don't appreciate your stupid opinion about how ghei/retarded/stupid jpop is. no...they're not jealous just really narrow minnded. i'm a dbsk/suju fan but really...all korean music sounds the same. so does jpop...big deal...you better deal! the korean music industry is always looking for the same type of voice. *that's why they lost youhna~! XP*

so shit bitches quit your bitching about how kpop is better than jpop cuz both of them aint that good anyways.

yay! it's finally that time. Everything will change. I will finish high school. I will go to college. I will turn 18. I will be an adult.
the past 17 years of my life has always been the same, but here and now in this year of 2008 i will finally have that change i want. right now is the most crucial point in my life. I must keep up with my work and work hard. I have a feeling that it will not be easy to leave this place. So if i do not take this chance now I will never get another. I do not want to grow old here. I want to go to many places and then someday I will come back a different person, one who has seen many things, one who has felt many pains, one who has wisdom to share. I want change. But everyday i find it harder to take myself away from this place. I find myself more attached to this place than ever. I do not know if i will do as i say at this point.

new year resolutions:
1. get in shape! be healthy!
2. get a job! *for ma and pa! now i owe no one anything except for my parents! so it is a good time to help them out!*
3. work hard...never done it before...why not start now...while the winds of change are blowing?
4. be happy! "Life couldn't get better! whoo!"
5. be yourself. be true to yourself!

bonjour!

ca va?

so the sm and je fans are killing each other its really awesome! but actually im kinda slow apparently cuz the thread is kinda dead...but hey its really awesome getting to read all their crap.
some of the crap they say is soo true....like the akame crap! damn! that is really tiring reading the same pron fic all the time anyways akame is overrated and so is jaeho.
people really ought to quit saying that "blah blah" is super HAWT! cuz really none of them truly are cuz...its all the brainwash...
well i may come back to update...cuz im not done reading the two threads!!!
~yesterday i couldnt get in to the je wankfest cuz they exceeded the comments!!!! i didnt even know there was one!~

well im reading the version my sister downloaded!!! i dont really want to finish it cuz i want to save some for when i go home and read my real copy!!! but the chapter im reading right now is very boring. i already know harry doesnt die considering i read the last sentence of the book already. it gives you a lot of info!!!

well back to reading!!! happy reading guys...but im sure most of you already finished yours!!! T-T

so why do they call it a scandal???? is it really scandalous that stars are having relationships??? well i dont think so...SO WHY IS IT CALLED A SCANDAL?

well im currently watching "coffee prince" and i was reading yoo eun hye's bio on wiki and apparently its scandalous that she had(has) a relationship with kim jong kook. uhhh whats so scandalous about that??? you want to know whats scandalous??? the l.a. mayor having an affair with one of his secretaries(i hope thats right i only saw it on the news briefly).
SCANDALOUS is when a wife is having an affair with her grandson. i just dont get why its called a scandal. its not really bad to have a relationship.

i know every word of what people will say if i get comments on this entry.

dude we just watched "ERRANT LOVE"

( klick for kya-ness )

well yes its a little late considering theres only like a month left of summer vacation...

( The Madness that Lies Within )

hello again :]

but theres nothing here...oh well update later.

ah-ha~! lied!...who updates as often as i do righty tighty left loosey...omg choosey lover!!!!! ahahahahahahahah..."nothing comes close but youre choosey lover!!!" man that is some frickin funny ass lyrics huh? how in the world did you even come up with that? i know that japanese people are a bit weird but come on...that is freaky!??? what is the word...well lets just say they leave me speechless huh?
i need some pics here huh??? but im too lazy...OMG!!!! i have an idea!!! i'll cap choosey lover! and a close up of junsu's crotch huh? *woot woot* if there is a choosey lover necklace dude i would soooo buy it! that is awesome huh? well i need to start my own merchandise store huh? ahahaha...choosey lover...those boys are soo funny!!! and yunho is wearing some sparkly/shiny/glittery pants. come on youre no yamapi!!! yamapi looks good in his though?